10 ways to FAIL your exercise regime.

I DON'T do sports. It's kinda funny because I'm a freak about downloading '8 minute workout' apps or googling 10 different ways of how to get 'fit' without getting off my chair. Actually I'm also guilty of being the sort of girl who works out for about an hour and then waits a week for some sort of body improvement (convincing myself that every piece of chocolate or each packet of crisps I consume) isn't adding any sort of fat onto the fat I hopefully lost because of my last workout session. Make sense?

Well after doing the above^ last week, I convinced myself, LIKE the last time and the time before that, that I was totally going to get into shape. It is now Friday the 20th 2015, 21:07pm and I've just spent a whole week eating, sleeping and drinking. So I think you know that this plan totally failed but the good thing is, I came up with 10 ways to try and convince myself of how to get fit and then how NOT to proceed with it.

1. DON'T say you're going to try and get into shape (spend hours making a workout spotify playlist and search for gym clothes in your cupboard) if you are one of those people that have tried it 16 times before - and failed (but then still do it).

2. Make a workout Spotify playlist (if you haven't already) with all your favourite, pumped up, ass-kicking, super funky songs (old and new). AND then, just sit back and start jamming to them on your bed (in your gym clothes - if you're on that stage already).

3. Go on to Missguided.com or any other clothing website that sells really sexy, funky, tight, lose, cropped, long, colourful and (non-colourful) sports wear or gym kits, to then remind yourself that A) you don't have the money B) you don't have the money and C) can you really wait 4-5 working days to get a gym kit that you won't be using because in those 5 days you would have realised you ain't got time...

4. Go on to Instagram, type in 'bikini next top model' or any kind of beautiful, bootylicious girl with the figure of a goddess to inspire you, to motivate you, to make you shout from the rooftops (from your room) 'I AM GONNA BE HER' - and then after you're done wanting to be someone else, continue staring at the pictures in amazement while eating a packet or (two) of Doritos. My tip - get the dip as well.

5. Look up FOOD diets. YES FOOD..but the healthy kind. Tell your mum 'NO, NO MORE CHOCOLATE, NO MORE UNHEALTHY FOOD, I'M GOING ON A HEALTHY DIET' - and a day later ask her why she didn't buy your favourite biscuits.

6. Drag her to Sainsbury's and buy all different fruits for your 'drink your fat away' smoothies, heck buy the whole flipping fruit aisle. (This doesn't work for those who don't have smoothie machines). Then make your epic smoothie and finally realise that you actually don't have time to wash a smoothie maker at 8am every morning and you would much rather have a Mcdonald's milkshake.

7. Get back to the internet, while sipping on that once in a life time smoothie, and open a new tab (away from the body bikinis for a minute) and type in 'Workout' into Google, and then take your pick...do you want a 30 day workout regime, 14 day workout regime, or 10 minute workout? Oh, and if you manage to find a 60 second one, then send me the link.

8. Go to your freezer and make sure there is plenty of ice in there to prepare yourself for the intense amount of pain you're going to feel the next day (Cause them burns you feel...It means its working OR it's just pains reminding us that we were never born for this sort of healthy lifestyle).

9. Find a soft grounded workout place in your house (don't forget your spotify playlist and that gym kit) and start that workout. (Remember you don't need to stretch because you're too excited for this insane workout you're about to do - that warm ups are for the weak).

10. Collapse, look at yourself in the mirror to convince yourself that...yep...you can see them abs already. The regime is working. Then make your way to the fridge and say to yourself, 'that was a really great session of what I think i'll continue in a couple of weeks time, after I've recovered from today'.

HAPPY WORKOUT ;)

P.S. This is no way insulting anyone who actually does all this. YOU are an inspiration to US all.

P.S. My real advice would be to try Emily Skye's youtube workout tips, because they're probably the first tips that I've stuck to (the longest - before I failed).

'NEW YEAR but NO NEW ME'

I'VE SUFFERED FROM WRITERS BLOCK FOR ABOUT 3 MONTHS NOW...and it's safe to say, that my mind...still remains empty. With UCAS, coursework, mocks, christmas and finally the new year, I've literally made my brain exhausted, which is rather ironic seeing as I've been super lazy this holiday. I figure with a new year and all, my resolutions should be something along the lines of 'study hard this year' or 'do your homework on the day you get it' or 'ask more questions' blah blah blah. Yet, I realised every single year when ever I make those resolutions they'll only last the first week back at school and then suddenly I'll become the disorganised, stressed student who literally hasn't got a bloody clue what she is doing this term. Anyways, this blog is to basically wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR (although I'm 5 days late, I apologise).


The one thing I've never understood is this whole idea of 'New years resolutions'. I've never kept em, never stuck to em and never will (a reason as to why this year, I haven't made any). It's pretty blunt to say, but how many of you are reading this right now and thinking 'yep, that's me too'. I totally get it though, 'New Years, New me' everyone deserves a chance to change themselves for the better (and some for the worst haha) and honestly, I will salute anyone who actually managed to come out of 2014 still having kept at least ONE of their resolutions. I struggle to stay away from chocolate for a day, therefore, the idea of saying to myself 'this year I'll eat healthily' is a load of bs and frankly one I'd never want to keep anyway (seeing as I'm a massive foody). It just baffles me how the first question that is always asked (well to me at least) is, 'So, what exactly is your new years resolution?', and I'm always obliged to come up with something related to work, or school or myself, 'work hard' 'study hard' (next time I should say play hard). The point is, isn't it rather odd how we enter a new year expecting so much from someone already? and once you break the new years resolution, you're either laughed at, scorned at (by your parents) and a sudden disappointment fills within you. You know that feeling? When you say you will do something and you're all super hyped up for it, balls blazing, all geared up ready to go because you can actually SEE yourself fulfilling this difficult task...but oops your mums bought a chocolate cake with extra cream and you BREAK - and then the disappointment hits you, then the attempt to reassure yourself that no one will know and to have a tiny set back is normal, so you just continue with it. BUT suddenly reality hits you, and you've finished the whole cake. A rather obscure allegory to use but my point is, why go on expecting so much of yourself. Why can't we, just enter the new year, with the only resolution that you will take everyday as it comes.

I'm not saying that it's bad to have goals and the attitude to work hard is one that I also am trying to adopt, my real concern is why do we need to write it or say it as a 'resolution' as if you never attempted those things before. And I'm totally being biased, because I'm sure that there are thousands of people out there who have NOT broken their resolutions and stuck to their 'mottos' but my point is, take the new year as it comes. I'v realised, life is actually extremely short, we say it and think it but never actually fully understand that, that is reality. This past month has been filled with some pretty awful and heartbreaking news and it made me realise that I can't afford to miss out on so many opportunities that come my way in just one day. Whether that's meeting someone new, signing up to a new club or anything like that.

I think I'm talking rather frankly here and I guess this whole resolution thing is aimed at the ones i've seen all down my twitter page. Ya see, there are people, perhaps in the government or employers or any of that who have possibly made resolutions for US and to them, I say I hope you can keep them. This blog is no way condemning those who are ACTUALLY trying to change their lives around from complete disaster to finally a happy life. But it's just a general blog to the general 'stereotypical, twitter resolutions'. To YOU / US why must we 'resolve' ourselves. To anyone who has made a resolution about trying to lose weight, I say this to you, - don't try and resolve or 'fix' the way you look. The only thing you should do is to 'resolve' the way you feel - why can't we encourage you to learn how to be happy with yourself this year and to embrace the person that you are. To those who have the 'I'm going to study every night, blah blah blah' resolution - don't push yourself. The odds are you're so much more smarter than you put yourself out to be. Last year you probably worked more than you thought you had, and that's why those who are around you still support you. So why can't we just say that this year, I'm going to take the year as it comes and my resolution is 'TRY MY BEST'.

I'm so contradicting, because I've realised while writing this, that sometimes people don't make resolutions just for the sake of it and they actually intend on keeping it. I just think my point is CAN'T WE JUST ENTER A NEW YEAR WITH THE ONLY EXPECTATION THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD YEAR.


So from here on out -
It's GOOD LUCK, HAPPY REVISION, PARTY HARD, STAY SAFE, AND KEEP COOL.

Sasha x